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枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 大鱼和小鱼的故事! (ZT)
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
{4771}
(#3303798@0)
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我似乎是那条大鱼, 现在已经与小鱼分开了. 真的要等到那么悲惨的时候才能重逢吗? :(
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3303799@0)
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海里的任何鱼都不能为对方改变自己的属性的。
-pmme(Hollywoodland);
2006-11-5
(#3303819@0)
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但是人类不是鱼, 人没有截然不同的生存环境啊.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304061@0)
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写文章的人为了博得掌声,往往用些华众取宠的夸张方法,你就不要看得太认真,想开点。
-888888888(山随平野尽,思从柔0移);
2006-11-5
(#3303832@0)
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大半夜的,打击人家
-pmme(Hollywoodland);
2006-11-5
(#3303835@0)
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只是泼碗冷水,让大伙清醒清醒。
-888888888(山随平野尽,思从柔0移);
2006-11-5
(#3303842@0)
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没有那么悲观和绝对吧。如果你真爱那条小鱼,你就会做出改变。
-choice(月光下的凤尾竹);
2006-11-5
(#3303967@0)
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Under the circumstances that 那条小鱼 is still in love with this one, and will accept his change.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304033@0)
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Oh, brother. I would like to give you a suggestion which doesn't mean you should or should not give up your estranged wife. My suggestion is that making friends with other women while waiting for your wife's response.One of my friends was in the same situation, but now he has been happily married for almost 2 years. He will be 28 years old next month. His new wife isn't as pretty as his ex, but he said he was happier than before.
Give yourself more chances, and try some new things.
God bless.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
{287}
(#3304020@0)
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Your estranged wife is a very wise woman, because she is REAL, and knows what is REAL, and what is NOT REAL.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304048@0)
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Yes, she is very wise. She told me my EQ is too low.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304057@0)
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She is wise not because she has a high EQ, but because she is REAL, and she knows that history might tragically repeat itself in view of "不是不想改变,是不能改变."
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304076@0)
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以前我们刚结婚的时候经常吵架, 其实我们都是在以自己的方式关心对方. 我们都很受伤. 她觉得我的脾气/性格不好, 我不CARE她. 她觉得我无法改变我自己. 所以她没有信心.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304081@0)
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That was before, how about NOW? Some people will stay at the phase of denial for a long time, and cannot move on till many years pass by. I think you are at this phase, and you still stay in the past.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304086@0)
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Sorry but I have to say that it is not healthy.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304088@0)
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她也建议我读一些书. 我读了. 的确收获很大. 现在我发现, 其实人根本不需要改变. 就我自己的情况来说, 我以前没有好好聆听, 没有足够听她的倾诉. 对不同意见没有注意尊重. 读了一些书以后我发现不是性格问题, 而是沟通方法问题.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304089@0)
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But she is not sure at all if you can change yourself for good, no matter how many books you have read, right?
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304093@0)
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我需要的是当她情绪不好的时候, 我要好好聆听, 让她发泄完, 然后呵护她开导她. 我以前并不是不尊重她, 而是太在乎她对我的控诉, 因为我太在乎我自己在她心目中的形象, 然后去顽固地维护自己, 反而让她觉得我不够包容, 不够open
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304094@0)
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I understand. But is she STILL in love with you? Ask yourself honestly, and get the answer in the depth of your heart. You will never get cheated by your own heart.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304099@0)
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To me, the moral of the story is that "不是不想改变,是不能改变." This is one of the best stories that I have ever read, because it tells a truth NOT a romantic or beautiful illusion.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304040@0)
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Let's BE REAL.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304044@0)
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Thans a lot, asker MM. You helped me much several month ago. But things can not simply go away as easy as talked.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304060@0)
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The only thing that I would like to ask you is "Can you be real as your estranged wife?"
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304062@0)
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我妻子其实是很专一和执着的, 至少以前我们在一起的时候我是深刻地感受了这一点的. 她和我分开以后过得也不开心. 她曾经有多少个以泪洗面的日日夜夜. 只是近一段时间以来我没有能见到她. 不知道她现在是不是已经从我们的过去走出来了.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304071@0)
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So you only knew her before you broke up, but DO NOT KNOW her as well as before after you broke up, right? You imagine she is still "很专一和执着的", but you are NOT SURE if she is still the same.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304082@0)
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I understand "things can not simply go away as easy as talked. " But the second thing I would like to ask you is "Do you miss her because you are still in love with her or because you are lonely?"
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304065@0)
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Some people stick to their current or old relationship because they are afraid of being lonely, not because they are still in love. I don't mean you are one of them, but like to show you the other side of a story.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304070@0)
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I am sure I miss her because I love her and I worry about her. I can stand loneliness.
-frozenheart(冰);
2006-11-5
(#3304073@0)
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But is she still in love with you? You think of her as the best woman for you, but does she think of you as the best man for her?
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304080@0)
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If you really want to know whether she still has feeling for you, you can tell her you are still in love and like to save your relationship, and then ask her to go marriage counselling together.If she is on the same page with you, she will agree with you.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
{61}
(#3304096@0)
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A reminder to you that after one-year seperation, your marriage can be dissolved without your permission, if she files for divorce on her own. If you want to save your marriage, do something more than just reading books.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
(#3304104@0)
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In the end, I have to sincerely and honestly apologize to you for whatever I have written today. I just cannot help feeling heartbroken by witnessing that a human being powerlessly waits for the possible failurewithout knowing why, even though he thinks he knows.
-asker(amour);
2006-11-5
{52}
(#3304107@0)
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嗯,要学会自己哄自己开心........
-o2o2o2(铃儿);
2006-11-5
(#3304376@0)
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伤得最深的,往往是陷的最深的,明知那样很痛苦,但就是洒脱不起来,自知为情所困,但又情难自控。
-anan741212(精灵);
2006-11-30
(#3351729@0)
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为什么不找另一条大鱼呢,非跟自己过不去,何苦
-orchid2004(orchid);
2006-11-30
(#3352464@0)
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看似轻松的文字其实好沉重,不过大鱼和小鱼也有过一段难忘的欢乐时光,可悲的是它们属于两个不同的世界,它们无法改变的东西太多了。。。
-setmyheartfree2006(白色百合);
2007-1-4
(#3410602@0)
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Touched....If I was the big fish, I would stay with the little fish.
-serenade123(橘子红了);
2007-2-5
{57}
(#3479230@0)
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You would not, cause you were NOT that big fish. :)
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3480733@0)
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小鱼为了去深海寻找大鱼,受不了越来越冷的水温终于被冻死在途中,当大鱼看见小鱼的尸骨时,他的心会是怎样的悲痛啊你说你要是大鱼,你会选择和小鱼一起生活在浅海,但你看到这段字了吗:无论暖的变冷、还是冷的变暖,无论海上的到海下、还是海下的到海上定居,都只能是一种结局,因为无法适应而死去。你不能不说这是一段悲剧爱情。
又或者大鱼到浅海生活的代价只是蜕变,并不会死呢,那就不是没有悲剧了吗。
-whitelily2007(白色百合);
2007-2-6
{282}
(#3480759@0)
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更大的悲剧又发生了。。。大鱼的蜕变让他不再有漂亮的鱼鳞,强健的体魄,他病了。。。。即使再回到深水,他也再不能回复往日的英姿。。。。
这时候,小鱼却抛弃了大鱼。。。爱上了另一条从深水里刚游来的更大的鱼。。。。
-serenade123(橘子红了);
2007-2-6
{184}
(#3480860@0)
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What if 小鱼 loves the big fish for his heart NOT for his look?
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3480889@0)
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那故事得再曲折一些,他们经历生与死的洗礼。。。。故事过于平淡,没人喜欢看。。。骗不到观众的眼泪,是失败的 。。。建议你多看些韩剧,学学煽请。。。:)))
-serenade123(橘子红了);
2007-2-6
{99}
(#3480942@0)
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Gee, isn't 韩剧 for teenagers? :0
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481069@0)
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小鱼不会忍心看大鱼痛苦的,她会让大鱼回到深海的,要是大鱼心甘心情愿为小鱼忍受那么多的痛苦留下来陪小鱼小鱼又怎能变心?
-whitelily2007(白色百合);
2007-2-6
(#3481019@0)
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"小鱼又怎能变心?" You never know, though. Gee, am I playing the devil's advocate today or what? :)
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481072@0)
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那是因为我们见过太多的悲剧收尾,所谓爱情是美好的,现实是残酷的,不乐观一点都不行啊~
-whitelily2007(白色百合);
2007-2-6
(#3481092@0)
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I don't agree la. 太多的悲剧收尾 is in novel. Reality sees way more happy ending than sad one.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481102@0)
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Right. I am pretty much sure that 小鱼 is in love, while not very sure if 大鱼 is on the same page. Tragedy is most likely to happen when one does not know if the other is on the same page in terms of love.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481141@0)
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and tragegy happens when people tend to use their imagination instead of action to find out the truth.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481153@0)
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Imagine or imagination is OK, as long as they are IMAGINING on the same page. :)
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481183@0)
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imagination, in most cases, will lead to deadend if he/she is under the influence of our great home country's culture.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481204@0)
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What is the influence of our great home country culture? :) Sometimes marriage dies because of the extinction of IMAGINATION as well as passon partially based on the IMAGINATION.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481211@0)
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not la, our people tend to be pessimist. I am not blaming our people. That is something to do with your 'glorious history'
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481222@0)
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Excuse me for just one moment. I am definitely ONE of your people.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481227@0)
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people would rather believe bad news than good. That is why we often hear 'rumor always travels fast' , 'too good to be true' and so on and ao forth.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481241@0)
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Right , too good to be true, but so what, if both of them are on the same page to believe that too good can be true?
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481258@0)
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yeah, that is why they need take actions to find out whether or not they are in the same page. "action speaks louder than words"
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481271@0)
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"那就不是没有悲剧了吗?" I am not very sure of this part, though. Yeah, the big fish might not die, but he would not feel as happy as where he used to be, which is another format of 悲剧. Death is not the only format of 悲剧.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3480879@0)
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Sometimes, physical or spiritual pain is more tragic than physical death.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3480881@0)
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那就定居在深海与浅海之间的海域,这样大鱼和小鱼都可以离自己原来的生活圈子近一点,水的温度不至于把小鱼冻死,也不会让大鱼太难受,你说怎么样?
-whitelily2007(白色百合);
2007-2-6
(#3481011@0)
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umm... I like that ending, which is relatively happy.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481048@0)
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I like this one, just that I am not very sure if 大鱼和小鱼 are with us on this point. :)
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481068@0)
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physically, maybe not. but mentally, yes. And in most of case, the latter is dominating.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481079@0)
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Without the physical support, what is the point of mentality?
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481146@0)
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have you heard about "mirage"? The reason that many travellers, who were stuck in the desert , died is because they were so desperate.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481160@0)
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I would like to call it courageous instead of desperate.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481186@0)
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Other than that, mental support is a matter of life and death. I bet you can find tons of examples in the course of human revolution if you really pay attention.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481210@0)
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I don't mean mental support is short of historical backup, and I mean that mental support turns pale or sour without everlasting physical participation.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481231@0)
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Without the physical support but only mental support, Martin Luther king's Civil Rights Movement could succeed?
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481236@0)
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well, I was not saying they could be separated. instead, mental support is a driving force, like the light at the end of tunnel. I was stuck in a dark, endless tunnel. I understand what the light means.
-geoguy(keep_head_down);
2007-2-6
(#3481252@0)
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I guess mental and physical support are equally important, if you really want to get out of the tunnel and see the sun.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481261@0)
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Literally.
-asker(amour);
2007-2-6
(#3481262@0)