I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head-first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off
I work in a damp environment
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Reply:

Dear Penis,

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not take initiative
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You are unable to work double shifts
You've been seen entering and leaving the workplace with two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management