本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Hi! I’m Scott Mills. I know there are a lot of guys out there that are lonely, but there is no need to be. That’s why I have written this guide to courting chicks. These 9 tips will help you never be lonely again.
1. Pick Up Lines
If you think Colt 45 works every time, you haven’t seen me in action yet. When you approach a chick in the wild, or what I like to call free-range chicks, you have to be careful. In the wild, you cannot control all the variables so you only have a few seconds to subdue them. I find that exaggeration (see #9) works wonders here. I walk right up to a woman in a club, arch my back and exclaim loudly, “Hi! I’m Scott Mills: I Own BET.com.” Works like a charm.
2. Office Space
If you have a job like me, there is no need to be lonely. Who needs a black book when you have a personnel file? When I see a filing cabinet, I don’t see payroll, I see possibility! Trust me; look no further than your company’s phone directory for a date. You can also find good dates on the local intranet. Remember: Charging dates with employees to the company credit card can save you precious cash to build a Movie Room (see #3). Now that MTVi has acquired BET.com, I have access to even more chicks. Cowabunga!
3. Den Of Iniquity
It’s all about the pad, man! You need a nice house, man, because you can’t always do it in the office. I have this awesome Movie Room, which I constantly brag about as though it was an extension of my penis. My personal advice: Take strippers to the office and employees to the house.
Strippers are impressed by offices because they work in dirty clubs and they don’t want to get forced into a bad situation at someone’s house, while employees on the other hand are impressed by the house that they can’t afford and don’t want to shit where they eat.
4. Engaged?
Being engaged to be married shouldn’t be a barrier to enjoying an active sex life. Men a lot wiser than me say that variety is the spice of life. Who am I to argue? That’s why they have strip clubs! If your spouse to be finds out you have relations with a stripper, she may leave you and cry. (see #5) Oye! It’s only cheating if they catch you in the kitchen. (see #9)
5. Show Of Force
Chicks are attracted to power. That’s why you have to take every chance to show that you are virile. It’s even more important if you are exhibiting Type 7 Norwood pattern baldness. That’s why when I am in meetings I like to yell at my executive staff and make them cry in front of employees. It makes the chick-employees hot for you when you display your wrath. If you don’t happen to be the boss of a lot of chicks like me, try buying a motorcycle (see #7)
6. Patience is a virtue.
So is persistence. Sometimes chicks don’t know they really want you. I find that calling your potential beau at 1 AM in the morning at home and asking to come over works well, especially if they currently work for you. Chicks that work for you are more receptive to your advances at that time in the morning. Don’t have her home number? You can easily find that and her address in your company’s personnel file. (See #2)
7. Motorcycles
I love riding motorcycles, It’s a lot like having sex, wouldn’t you say? I always tell my female employees about it. It makes dating them easier. I mean most men equate a vibrating piece of machinery between your legs with good sex don’t they? I know I do.
8. Exaggeration
The truth is overrated. I wouldn’t be able to sell ads for bet.com if I didn’t do some creative math sometimes. If you didn’t go to a top-notch business school, there is no harm in letting people think you graduated from Wharton. Women are adverse to veracity; so don’t be afraid to tell some little lies. Women don’t want a guy that no other woman wants, so make sure you spice up your stories to your female employees with tales of strippers washing your motorcycles (See #7) and erotic massages in your gigantic Movie Room. (see #3)
9. Strip Clubs
When all else fails, which it often does, there is a place where you can always count on there being chicks that who do as you say. It’s a place made just for men. It’s called a Strip Club. They kind of look like the girls that wouldn’t date me in high school. I go there often and I make sure all my female employees know it. (See #8)
Well that’s my guide. People always ask me, “Hey Scott! What’s better? Dating a stripper or a employee?” I always scratch my head a little bit and say, an employee of course! Because if they don’t do as you say you can fire them. Follow these few tips and you’ll get all the chicks you want and get off like me, Scott free!
See you at Camelot!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
1. Pick Up Lines
If you think Colt 45 works every time, you haven’t seen me in action yet. When you approach a chick in the wild, or what I like to call free-range chicks, you have to be careful. In the wild, you cannot control all the variables so you only have a few seconds to subdue them. I find that exaggeration (see #9) works wonders here. I walk right up to a woman in a club, arch my back and exclaim loudly, “Hi! I’m Scott Mills: I Own BET.com.” Works like a charm.
2. Office Space
If you have a job like me, there is no need to be lonely. Who needs a black book when you have a personnel file? When I see a filing cabinet, I don’t see payroll, I see possibility! Trust me; look no further than your company’s phone directory for a date. You can also find good dates on the local intranet. Remember: Charging dates with employees to the company credit card can save you precious cash to build a Movie Room (see #3). Now that MTVi has acquired BET.com, I have access to even more chicks. Cowabunga!
3. Den Of Iniquity
It’s all about the pad, man! You need a nice house, man, because you can’t always do it in the office. I have this awesome Movie Room, which I constantly brag about as though it was an extension of my penis. My personal advice: Take strippers to the office and employees to the house.
Strippers are impressed by offices because they work in dirty clubs and they don’t want to get forced into a bad situation at someone’s house, while employees on the other hand are impressed by the house that they can’t afford and don’t want to shit where they eat.
4. Engaged?
Being engaged to be married shouldn’t be a barrier to enjoying an active sex life. Men a lot wiser than me say that variety is the spice of life. Who am I to argue? That’s why they have strip clubs! If your spouse to be finds out you have relations with a stripper, she may leave you and cry. (see #5) Oye! It’s only cheating if they catch you in the kitchen. (see #9)
5. Show Of Force
Chicks are attracted to power. That’s why you have to take every chance to show that you are virile. It’s even more important if you are exhibiting Type 7 Norwood pattern baldness. That’s why when I am in meetings I like to yell at my executive staff and make them cry in front of employees. It makes the chick-employees hot for you when you display your wrath. If you don’t happen to be the boss of a lot of chicks like me, try buying a motorcycle (see #7)
6. Patience is a virtue.
So is persistence. Sometimes chicks don’t know they really want you. I find that calling your potential beau at 1 AM in the morning at home and asking to come over works well, especially if they currently work for you. Chicks that work for you are more receptive to your advances at that time in the morning. Don’t have her home number? You can easily find that and her address in your company’s personnel file. (See #2)
7. Motorcycles
I love riding motorcycles, It’s a lot like having sex, wouldn’t you say? I always tell my female employees about it. It makes dating them easier. I mean most men equate a vibrating piece of machinery between your legs with good sex don’t they? I know I do.
8. Exaggeration
The truth is overrated. I wouldn’t be able to sell ads for bet.com if I didn’t do some creative math sometimes. If you didn’t go to a top-notch business school, there is no harm in letting people think you graduated from Wharton. Women are adverse to veracity; so don’t be afraid to tell some little lies. Women don’t want a guy that no other woman wants, so make sure you spice up your stories to your female employees with tales of strippers washing your motorcycles (See #7) and erotic massages in your gigantic Movie Room. (see #3)
9. Strip Clubs
When all else fails, which it often does, there is a place where you can always count on there being chicks that who do as you say. It’s a place made just for men. It’s called a Strip Club. They kind of look like the girls that wouldn’t date me in high school. I go there often and I make sure all my female employees know it. (See #8)
Well that’s my guide. People always ask me, “Hey Scott! What’s better? Dating a stripper or a employee?” I always scratch my head a little bit and say, an employee of course! Because if they don’t do as you say you can fire them. Follow these few tips and you’ll get all the chicks you want and get off like me, Scott free!
See you at Camelot!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net