note the difference between "having lived with bf 7 years" and "bad person". You would dump her by the later one but not the other.

win(秋天的菠菜)

Some women lives only with husband whole life but she could still be a bad person. Some women have lived with ex 7 years but she could still be a good person, that's how I see it. Do not think in a sentimental way, suppress the feeling of having a second hand wife, if you can. You know many second hand stuff get more decent quanlity than their countpart from a Walmart. Wether second hand or not, quanlity counts ultimately.
Mind that most chinese people tend to take things very sentimentally, which I regard as a weakness. Being aware of weakness of our race would definitely makes ourselves better.

(#3553689@0)
Last Updated: 2007-3-15
This post has been archived. It cannot be replied.

没信心相信自己和别人，就算了。 -penne(pasta); 2007-3-14 (#3551679@0)

Yes, she will. It's better get idea why she stayed for 7 years, and left (or other person left) -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-14 (#3551686@0)

she told me they kept the relationship and often lived together and got engaged. Later she came to Toronto. He followed suit. While she was in Toronto, she found out that he got involved with other woman. they kept for another year and separated. -johnwang2007(john2007); 2007-3-14 (#3551756@0)

soundes reasonable. it's better pay attention that she really talk about ex a lot, does she compare u and her ex? If it's truely the past, just ignore it. No need to punish yourself and her for the other people's histry. Just enjoy today. -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-14 {137} (#3551797@0)
In addition, she may learn sth from her past, you are going to beneift, in fact. But just make sure she is out , totally out of her past.

must be yang2 niu1 ba? think that she already got married once, then you will feel better. -tb2006(beebee); 2007-3-14 (#3551750@0)

so many sad love stories happening in our life everyday...... sad...... but i feel you should believe she loves you too and accept her past story if you are really loving her deeply...... -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551778@0)

If I know right from the beginning, I may be not go this far. I really love her now and do not want to hurt her. But I am kind of really annoyed when I accidentally found on her computer all those romantic pics with her ex. -johnwang2007(john2007); 2007-3-14 (#3551849@0)

A general question: how many percent of men/women will keep those pictures with their ex-lovers? how many percent of them won't? -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551892@0)
sigh... i can understand your feeling of being annoyed sometimes. but think another way, first you cannot ask her totally wipe out her memory with her ex and it is a happened fact. -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551914@0)
second give her a room for keeping them is showing your respect towards her, then you might feel better only ur both in love, dont be mean la, man :-) -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551915@0)
so grow up -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551934@0)

xixi, u r persuading other people? u grow up la ma? :-) -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551943@0)

you want to check it out personally? :-) -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551952@0)

no interest. -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551958@0)
i am here for fun... :) -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551959@0)

but don't you see i AM the fun you're looking for? haha -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551965@0)
i HAVA fun, and you WANT fun, so.......... a perfect match, isn't it? -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551966@0)

i am right here for fun, u r left there for fun... u dont hav sense of humor, ok? hahaha, u enjoy by urself.. -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551978@0)

no sense of humor, but great sense of flirting, :-) -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551985@0)

so grow up #3551934 -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3551989@0)

it has nothing to do with growing up, babe -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-14 (#3551991@0)

Why did you ask here? You should ask yourself instead of doing this. -luckygrass06(㊣三叶草); 2007-3-14 (#3551796@0)

it is not a big deal, man. If i were u, i just keep shut to all of her past stories. BUT what does matter is ur role in the new relationship. I don't want to offence u. But if u want to start a serious relationship, -fredwu888(回头是岸); 2007-3-14 {104} (#3552085@0)

it is to ur advantages to ask urself if u just work as the shadow of someone else. And try to answer it.

absolutely right -chu.ge(楚格); 2007-3-14 (#3552110@0)
if his GF has past ex, that means the mew bf will be the shadow of her ex? in most cases not. I think most adult only left the old relationship when it didn't work, they leaned to live today, and not the past. -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-14 {122} (#3552165@0)
if so, should not be any shadow of the ex. in fact, is more appreciation of the new love. this is only generally speaking.

u r perfectly right. Seven-year is not a short period. what i mean is just that if the LZ has a good knowledge of why his gf left her previous partner and how she views the new relationship, -fredwu888(回头是岸); 2007-3-14 {106} (#3552304@0)
then it might be helpful for the LZ to reconsider what kind of relationship he wants to have with his gf.

agree " Seven-year is not a short period', LZ does need to figure out. -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-14 (#3552340@0)

no answer fits all -win(秋天的菠菜); 2007-3-14 (#3552183@0)

We all have past romantic relationships, but it is hard to accept the fact your gf had lived with another for 7 years. That's more than a lot of failed marriages. -johnwang2007(john2007); 2007-3-14 (#3552630@0)

It is a fact marriage. If you had no marriage history, you might want to stop pursuing this relationship. If you had marriage before, then you guys are equal. Sometimes, not forcing yourself into something you might regret later on -jasmine3(jas); 2007-3-14 {104} (#3552783@0)
and probably in your life time, is good for both of you in a long run. Although it might be hurting now.
if she did put a period to the previous relationship, if u do discern her attachment to u and be confident of the future, just accept her --- a true love for u. -fredwu888(回头是岸); 2007-3-14 {93} (#3552854@0)
there is nothing to do with her previous stories. u not live in the past, but now and future.

r u a Chinese man? the old stuffs from our tradition is much more stronger that you can imagine. -jasmine3(jas); 2007-3-14 (#3552885@0)

What bothers me a lot is that during that 7 seven period she had sex with her first BF. And now she still keeps a good relationship with him. I don't trust her that much now. Do you guys think it is time for me to stop this relationship? -johnwang2007(john2007); 2007-3-15 (#3553632@0)

oh, stop thinking like a boy. you can't expect her to be a virgin, be realistic, enjoy the life with her (including the sex), that's all -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-15 (#3553647@0)
but of course, if you can take it any more, then let it go -iamjeff(havefun); 2007-3-15 (#3553657@0)
just trying to get some facts here: "during that 7 seven period she had sex with her first BF" you meant that she cohibited with one BF and still seeing her another previous BF (not the same one as cohibited BF)? -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-15 (#3553666@0)

Yes. But she said just once. She herself is super smart I should. But sometimes her acts is beyond my comprehension seems to be naive. -johnwang2007(john2007); 2007-3-15 (#3553690@0)

outsider don't know the whole story, so the suggestion aslo based on the partial facts. and the suggestions are more generalized. i guess my wild guess that yous till not certain about her integrity. -nuanxin(暖心); 2007-3-15 {208} (#3553778@0)
If so, i understand you. you can always take more time to get to know her better. When you find answers from her (her words, action, bahavior, her friends etc.), you will find answers for you too. Good luck!
A lot of water under the bridge, i just wonder how u know all that and why ? -fredwu888(回头是岸); 2007-3-15 (#3553988@0)

I guess she is a very attractive woman. She is not very young. So she had a few of boyfriends. Probably they are not the right ones, so she broke up with them. If she dumped them, those men will try to mess up with her even after the breakups. -jasmine3(jas); 2007-3-15 {413} (#3555102@0)
If the timing was good, like she was feeling lonely, she was harassed by her boss, or she was undergoing some emotional moments, she might had casual sex with them occasionally. The pre-requisite is that she is very acttractive and she dumped them. And usually this kind of girls are more easy to mess up unless there is someone who really make her lose her appetite. Just a wild guess, not neccessary being true.

note the difference between "having lived with bf 7 years" and "bad person". You would dump her by the later one but not the other. -win(秋天的菠菜); 2007-3-15 {606} (#3553689@0)
Some women lives only with husband whole life but she could still be a bad person. Some women have lived with ex 7 years but she could still be a good person, that's how I see it. Do not think in a sentimental way, suppress the feeling of having a second hand wife, if you can. You know many second hand stuff get more decent quanlity than their countpart from a Walmart. Wether second hand or not, quanlity counts ultimately.
Mind that most chinese people tend to take things very sentimentally, which I regard as a weakness. Being aware of weakness of our race would definitely makes ourselves better.

why not? -stills(吊睛白额虎); 2007-3-14 (#3552990@0)

@Ontario

note the difference between "having lived with bf 7 years" and "bad person". You would dump her by the later one but not the other.

Replies, comments and Discussions:

More Topics