isn't it true that we have blamed the "widow" too much and for no good reason? -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber) @安省华人论坛:安省枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Ontario

枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 昨天晚上我哭了,哭的很伤心. -yuyeduzui(含语); 2007-2-14 {245} (#3498181@0)
相信还有很多姐妹们和我一样为流浪汉落泪. 看了很多关于此事的贴,正面反面的都有. 但我坚信他是一个心地善良,重感情,知恩图报,关心别人,热爱生活的好男人! 愿他再没有伤心, 快快乐乐.鄙视那些利用别人的感情和钱财而达到自己目的的女人们. 因为你伤害的是一颗真心!

我看了也心里堵的慌 -xiang1(xiang); 2007-2-14 (#3498241@0)

俺也堵。所以谁也别把谁太当回事，不然伤心大了～～～ -arfeifei(老顽童); 2007-2-14 (#3498426@0)

I just read the essay at 51, and I couldn't help bursting into torrential tears as well. May God bless him in the heaven. -asker(amour); 2007-2-14 (#3498420@0)

I hate that woman. I don't know how and why nice gentlemen ended up with that type of women. I can't help asking Lord where the fairness is and where the integrity is. -asker(amour); 2007-2-14 (#3498429@0)

asker妹妹的英语就是好 -richard100(冬青); 2007-2-14 (#3498490@0)

asker妹妹 is also contentious. Just kidding -geoguy(keep_head_down); 2007-2-15 (#3499177@0)
安钢的英语也很好的，这是他很久以前的英语作文。 -cnca70(风压差); 2007-2-15 {4942} (#3499433@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛我把jnash收录的安钢很久以前的练笔true love拿出来，这是他在seneca（在这里他有幸认识了他老婆的姐姐）进修期间写的小论文。从文中看出，他对true love的理解十分理想化，我们不妨也参考这个标准去寻找和经营自己的true love，一旦找到，不枉此生。

From: jnash(加拿大生活) To: cnca70 Reply Mark this message
Sent: 2007-02-13 19:32 (EST)
True Love
We humans are emotional beings. And our emotions are generally divided into two categories: positive and negative. Love is an outstanding type of positive emotion, and, in its extreme form, there is true love.
If you look up the word love in The American Heritage Dictionary, you’ll find quite a few definitions about love: “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person”, “A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person,” or “An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object”. While love in general is a positive feeling for anything that pleases us, true love is an intense, warm, healthy and happy feeling only for our peer humans. It is full of affection, devotion and appreciation, all for the sake of love and love only. It is not there to exchange for dependence, intrusion or a superior feeling over others.
True love is first expressed in the form of affection, that is, caring, nurturing, and supporting. The affection is there for no reasons or purposes, only for love. Though an equal affection from the loved ones is also welcome, true love never counts on it in the first place. The best example is the affection parents have for kids. When the kids are young, the parents give all their earthly affection by providing everything the kids need: food and clothes, toys and trips, good manners and college education, etc., etc. Before the kids are independent, the parents never stop caring, nurturing, or supporting. In fact, a majority of parents continue to show their affection even though their offspring are out there in the society. However, they never count on it that some day they will depend on their children, poor or rich, failure or success. They know the affection they render never secures them of the dependence on their children. But they just keep doing it. The reason is simple: behind the affection, there is a true love, not a trade for dependence.
Just as affection is not there to trade for dependence, true love in its next form of devotion does not pay the right to intrude on others either. In other words, devotion of true love means only a determination of offering, contributing and sacrificing to others. And true love does not necessarily assume that the devotion must be accepted, nor does it allow a single step further against the will of others. No matter how devoted, true love never finds the least excuse to force on others. For instance, Joe practiced his devotion to Laura in his own way. He tried everything he could think of, but a year later Laura said goodbye to him. She said she did not like the way he sometimes acted. Now and then, he brought her some daily necessities in spite of her thankful refusal many a time. Other times, he decided to take her out for a dinner or a movie without checking with her about the time. He just came to fetch her. Thus, it is apparent that Joe lost Laura because he was breaking the law of true love. True love is devoted but cannot be mixed with intruding.
If devotion is there to initiate affections for others, then appreciation in true love always strives to pay it back. By appreciation, true love not only shows respect, admiration and esteem for others, but also presents gratitude and acknowledgment to each other in the same time. For sure, true love is not there to gain a superior feeling or control over others. Instead, there is always a reciprocal thankfulness and gratitude between the loving and loved. True love is shared between equal peers. For instance, decade-long old friends exchange gifts or visit each other occasionally. Whatever is exchanged or done diplomatically, the real emotion behind is a mere appreciation of each other. They both enjoy equal importance and respect. No one is superior or inferior; no one is controlling or controlled. In contrast, charity cannot be deemed as true love because donors exchange their money or possessions for a superior feeling or control over the poor whereas relief receivers trade their sympathy for food or clothes. They are by no means equal, and they do not share earnest appreciation for each other at all. Charity is a kind of love but not true love.
In conclusion, true love is the kind of love that is soaked with a whole-hearted unselfish affection for others, supported by a long lasting devotion to others, and that is reacted upon in a reciprocal appreciation. It is the purest, most intense, and complete of all positive emotions. It is precious because it is not easy or simple to love in that way. Sometimes, true love even takes real, real pain.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

who gave you the right to "hate that woman"? on what basis you assume there is unfairness and injustice? what does integrity have to do with this tragedy? enough of your pretentious self-righteousness. -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 {78} (#3498756@0)
seeking a scapegoat is not really the best way to pay respect to the deceased.

Who gives me the right? I give myself, and the CONSTITUTION gives me the right, because I have the freedom to express my feelings, and this time, my emotional expression is that I HATE, HATE AND HATE THAT WOMAN. So what? -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3498822@0)

I am not saying your statement is wrong. What I try to say is how accurate is your info and to what degree the info has been distorted intentionally and unintentionally. -geoguy(keep_head_down); 2007-2-15 (#3498916@0)

Continued: The success of Tobacco company after World War 1 was use mass media to mislead woman that smoking was a symbol to get away from man’s domination and become new-age woman. -geoguy(keep_head_down); 2007-2-15 (#3499152@0)

I am totally fed up with those psychedo-feminist points of view. BeingBorn in a male-dominating world does NOT exclude the fact that there are bad women and abusive women out there. -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3500257@0)

Even though the information is 1% right in terms of the report on his widow, I will definitely blame her as ONE OF THE REASONS behind this tragedy. I don't intend to be rational, cause I am NOT. -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3500247@0)

为安钢流泪的又何止姐妹们。还是这里的MM善良。 -manitoulan(三文鱼); 2007-2-14 (#3498669@0)
isn't it true that we have blamed the "widow" too much and for no good reason? -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 {1910} (#3498743@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛it seems that whenever a tragic event occurs our community tend to launch a witch-hunt for a scapegoat. and that scapegoat most time happens to be the spouse of the deceased.
the whole discussion about this event is dominated by a certain kind of "victim mentality". we assume the widow was deceitful and she got to be the cause of the tragedy. We assume the deceased was victimized by the widow and the unhappy marriage. and this assumption became the foundation of our demand for justice to be done.
we should probably ask ourselves a few questions before jumping on the bandwagon for witch-hunt:
1. do we have enough respect for a man's wisdom and judgment? if we do then on what basis can we assume we are so much more clever than the deceased that we can see througth something he could not fathom?
2. do we have enough respect for a man's right of choice and dignity of free will? if we do then on what basis can we assume the deceased was led into a trap and buried by his own emotional blindness?
3. do we have enough respect for a human being's pursuit of happiness? if we do then on what basis can we blame the widow for leaving the deceased -- even if they only married a few months?
4. do we really always need someone to blame for the tragedies happened in our life? we choose the way we live and we choose the kind of creature we want to be. we should not "victimize" ourselves in order to blame others for the choice we made and the consequence we are going to suffer.
5. do we have the courage to face the fact that each of us has his/her own fate -- something that is "beyond my control" in most cases? if we do then we can look at the tragedies from a more Stoic perspective. or like Nietzsche said long time ago "Amor Fati" -- love of fate.

we should give the deceased enough respect and leave him in peace. he made his choice. he lived his life the way he wanted.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Just give us a BREAK. Even though the widow is not the sole reason that the gentleman died, she is ONE OF THE REASONS, so that she deserves our anger and blaming. -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3498823@0)

you forgot the fact the deceased was "dating" again. he was living a normal life based on what we read from his post on Rolia. our tribute to the deceased does not have to be -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 {33} (#3498858@0)
paid at the expense of the widow.

he was barely trying to find a way out, he was too lonely and couldn't stand it. It's another evidence that he was too lonely, and deeply hurt by his ex-wife. -int_arts(int_arts); 2007-2-15 (#3498901@0)

The fact that he was deeply hurt by the widow indicates that he did care about that woman, no matter how she is not worth it. From this perspective, he was a man with a heart. -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3500252@0)
did you read his post on Rolia? he was actively seeking for new adventures with other women. -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 (#3500425@0)

He absolutely deserved another chance,and I am happy that he did not give up his hope in terms of finding his destiny after he had emotionally suffered so much. He was a guy with resilience, and I praise him for that. -asker(amour); 2007-2-16 (#3501199@0)

Didn't he have the right to date again after being cheated and brutally dumped by that vicious woman? Why should he stay loyal to her? He was absolutely RIGHT to date again, and I hope he would have done that sooner and earlier. -asker(amour); 2007-2-15 (#3500250@0)

He had every right to date again. however, if he had already started soliciting romantic rendevouz from other women why should we still blame his wife for his death? -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 (#3500407@0)

what is the matter with you? do you have something to do with An Gang's cold-blooded wife?... your ID really fits you, btw -veronicacan(vera); 2007-2-15 (#3500798@0)

what is the matter with me? I am just fed up with your bigotry and narrow-mindedness. the whole thing is more and more like a circus -- your promotion of loser mentality does -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-15 {715} (#3500913@0)
nothing but disgrace to the deceased. the victim syndrome embodied in your pretentious self-righteousness is so characterisic of uncivilized herd madness that it is beyond omprehension. the deceased's post on Rolia is a hunter's declaration for new prey. good for him. that post tells me he was not heart-broken (or not any more). and that post alone defeats your claim of the image of a love-sick, desperate and devoted man.
moral support based on hearsay is just witch-hunt driven by madness.
I greatly appreicated your comments about my humble ID. the reason I picked it up a few years ago is exactly like what you stated -- "it really fits you". life is so beautiful and attempting when one is dumb.

I do believe there is something wrong with you. I am fed up with your absence of morality, and your misunderstanding of what is right and what is wrong. Have some COMMON SENSE, and find out the difference between BIGOTRY and absence of conscience. -asker(amour); 2007-2-16 (#3501195@0)

what is your morality, then? do you consider it a moral action to attack someone with unwarranted assumption? do you consider it a moral action to retaliate upon one human -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-16 {448} (#3502891@0)
being for another human being's failure, frustration, and tragedy? how many times we have to remind you that one of the worst cliches echoed again and again among the losers "my life is a failure because of you". do you consider it a moral obligation to associate the deceased with such degrading connotation? have you realized that your outcry for justice in the name of the "weak and the foolish" is doing a great injustice to the deceased?

My last reply to you, no more conversation with you, cause I have made my point. Obviously, you also don't know the difference between "attacking" and "discussing or moral blaming. Again, have some COMMON SENSE. The end. -asker(amour); 2007-2-16 (#3502979@0)

I have to agree that your english, especially the vocabulary, is really really good. -veronicacan(vera); 2007-2-16 {309} (#3501282@0)
However, the way you talk about Mr. An is mean, or rather I would say, really dumb. I understand people make mistakes, so if you do think dumb=humble, fine.

The Chinese new year is coming, I wish your life in the new year gets more beautiful and TEMPING (not attempting, which sounds really exhausting).

I don't believe anything I have said on this forum is meant to be disrespectful to the deceased. I don't know Mr. An personally. Although I have a Stoic perspective about life -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2007-2-16 {774} (#3502969@0)
in general, I was struck by An's tragedy and once again the fragile nature of our lives.
however, I do believe each human being is ultimately responsible for their own life, be it a failure, a success, or a lukewarm unevenful waste of days and months. to blame others for our failure or loss is simply an action of coward. a desire to shun away from the burden of freedom that comes with our right of choice and dignity as human beings.
the deceased chose to marry his wife at his own free will -- there was no indication that he was being coerced.
the deceased also chose to pursue new relationships after breaking up with his wife -- there is no indication of sorrow, sadness and desperation.
I simply don't see any correlation between his tragedy and his wife.

Imagine you were a guy who got brutally dumped by a woman, would you start dating again or turn yourself into a monk? I blieve 90% men will have the first choice, that is, start dating, and trying to find better women with their fingers crossed. -asker(amour); 2007-2-16 (#3501181@0)

An Gang did not start his searching till he got dumped, and his wife left him even without a goodbye. Why should he stop looking for other chances? That woman did not deserve his loyalty, and that woman did not NEED OR WANT his loyalty. -asker(amour); 2007-2-16 (#3501190@0)

you certainly raised a good point. It is not easy to maintain your own opinion in the modern world coz of the overwhelming of mass media. Public opinion is easily manipulated by media (does the media release all info or just some?) -geoguy(keep_head_down); 2007-2-15 (#3498835@0)
if a good man was cheated by a bad woman, can you say to him: this is your own choice? He has paid his life, for his stupidness. you should at least have symphathy, otherwise, you are just not a human. -int_arts(int_arts); 2007-2-15 (#3498904@0)

@Ontario

isn't it true that we have blamed the "widow" too much and for no good reason?

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