本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛(The ariticle link is here
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/Meditations_Motivations/its_not_him._its_you.asp?page=1
I'll copy&paste the whole article below.
I myself do not have any prejudice. I think the article is also for men)
** It’s Not Him. It’s You! **
Determined not to spend 2007 without a man? The odds are in your favor – if you take the right approach to dating. For many women, that means stop blaming your bad luck on men and start asking what you’ve been doing wrong. Find out why it’s not him. It’s you. Plus: Are you a dating do or don’t?
You were casually dating a guy for a few weeks, and things were going great…then he suddenly stopped returning your calls. What happened?
It was him, wasn’t it? He’s probably just looking for a warm body. Or maybe he met someone else. Then again, maybe not. Have you considered what you might have done wrong? Most of us never do.
“It’s easier [for women] to blame the man than to look inside themselves,” says Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure (F+W Publications Company, 2005). Sure, there are lots of immature men, but there are just as many immature women. “We need to start wising up,” Findling says.
Too Much, Too Soon
According to Findling, “The worst thing you can do is act desperate” when dating. Translation – calling, E-mailing or texting constantly. Basically, don’t do anything that says to him, “I have no life.”
Most women have dated at least one guy who calls incessantly and wants to hang out 24-7. It’s a turn-off, right? So before you pick up the phone to leave your fourth voicemail of the day, think about how he’ll interpret it. “It’s very unsexy,” Findling says.
Even if you really like the guy and think he likes you, self-control and patience will pay off in the end if he’s the right one for you. Showing too much enthusiasm too soon isn’t charming – it’s creepy.
Nor should you strive for the opposite end of the spectrum. Don’t play too hard-to-get, warns Findling.
Say what?
Findling sees dating as a balancing act. You’ve got to be available without being desperate. In other words, don’t sit around waiting for his call, but don’t overbook your schedule just to prove you don’t need him in it. He’ll assume you aren’t interested, and he won’t stick around to find out otherwise.
Should you sleep with him on the first date? Will he think you’re desperate? Easy? Or will it seal a second date? The reality is that women face a double standard. He wants a test drive, so-to-speak, but he also wants a woman he can take home to mom. So what’s a girl to do?
If you can’t wait to get busy the first time out, realize that you’re taking a huge chance. While you might earn a repeat performance, it probably won’t be for the right reasons. If he’s interested in a relationship, he’ll want to wait until you’ve made some sort of emotional commitment to each other before going to bed with you.
Findling also advises women to avoid announcing “I want to get married and have kids within five years” too soon. Wait until the third date to let a guy know you’re looking for a serious relationship, she says.
If you jump the gun, he may think you’re willing to settle for any man who walks upright. The first few dates should allow time to gauge each other’s potential as partners, not to plan your life together.
Too Inflexible
Mr. Right. The dream man. Call it what you like, most women have a long list of requirements our future husband must meet. Often we become so focused on finding our prototype that we miss other opportunities. When we don’t find that guy we write all men off as jerks.
“Not all men suck,” Findling says. “There are plenty of good men out there available, but women don’t want them!” Save yourself time and heartache: Forget the fairytale and realize that no real man will prove a perfect match with your wish list.
Good chemistry or physical attraction often tops our romance requirements, but it shouldn’t make or break a relationship, according to Findling. Don’t dismiss a guy who isn’t exactly your “type.” Attraction grows when people connect over time, so keep an open mind. Your type may change when you meet the right guy.
“If you really want to get married, you’ll have to compromise,” Findling says. But that doesn’t mean sacrificing quality. “Character, reliability and ability to sustain a relationship” are the most important things to look for in a man, she says.
Women who get married are Confident, Findling says. They know they deserve a lifetime commitment from a man. Do you exude this attitude? You should.
The next time you’re tempted to label him a loser, ask yourself if you’ve gone too far too soon or been too inflexible. Self-awareness is the first step in the search for a successful relationship.
Are You a Dating Do or Don’t?
Some guys don’t pay on the first date while others forget to open doors. When it comes to dating, times sure have changed, and with that, a new crop of dating dilemmas has emerged. But no matter what year it is, some dating rules should stand the test of time. Which ones are you forgetting? See how you measure up on the dateable scale with this dating quiz.
--- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- .
It’s Not Him. It’s You!
Surprising Reasons You’re Unlucky in Love
By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer
Tuesday, January 9, 2007更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/Meditations_Motivations/its_not_him._its_you.asp?page=1
I'll copy&paste the whole article below.
I myself do not have any prejudice. I think the article is also for men)
** It’s Not Him. It’s You! **
Determined not to spend 2007 without a man? The odds are in your favor – if you take the right approach to dating. For many women, that means stop blaming your bad luck on men and start asking what you’ve been doing wrong. Find out why it’s not him. It’s you. Plus: Are you a dating do or don’t?
You were casually dating a guy for a few weeks, and things were going great…then he suddenly stopped returning your calls. What happened?
It was him, wasn’t it? He’s probably just looking for a warm body. Or maybe he met someone else. Then again, maybe not. Have you considered what you might have done wrong? Most of us never do.
“It’s easier [for women] to blame the man than to look inside themselves,” says Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure (F+W Publications Company, 2005). Sure, there are lots of immature men, but there are just as many immature women. “We need to start wising up,” Findling says.
Too Much, Too Soon
According to Findling, “The worst thing you can do is act desperate” when dating. Translation – calling, E-mailing or texting constantly. Basically, don’t do anything that says to him, “I have no life.”
Most women have dated at least one guy who calls incessantly and wants to hang out 24-7. It’s a turn-off, right? So before you pick up the phone to leave your fourth voicemail of the day, think about how he’ll interpret it. “It’s very unsexy,” Findling says.
Even if you really like the guy and think he likes you, self-control and patience will pay off in the end if he’s the right one for you. Showing too much enthusiasm too soon isn’t charming – it’s creepy.
Nor should you strive for the opposite end of the spectrum. Don’t play too hard-to-get, warns Findling.
Say what?
Findling sees dating as a balancing act. You’ve got to be available without being desperate. In other words, don’t sit around waiting for his call, but don’t overbook your schedule just to prove you don’t need him in it. He’ll assume you aren’t interested, and he won’t stick around to find out otherwise.
Should you sleep with him on the first date? Will he think you’re desperate? Easy? Or will it seal a second date? The reality is that women face a double standard. He wants a test drive, so-to-speak, but he also wants a woman he can take home to mom. So what’s a girl to do?
If you can’t wait to get busy the first time out, realize that you’re taking a huge chance. While you might earn a repeat performance, it probably won’t be for the right reasons. If he’s interested in a relationship, he’ll want to wait until you’ve made some sort of emotional commitment to each other before going to bed with you.
Findling also advises women to avoid announcing “I want to get married and have kids within five years” too soon. Wait until the third date to let a guy know you’re looking for a serious relationship, she says.
If you jump the gun, he may think you’re willing to settle for any man who walks upright. The first few dates should allow time to gauge each other’s potential as partners, not to plan your life together.
Too Inflexible
Mr. Right. The dream man. Call it what you like, most women have a long list of requirements our future husband must meet. Often we become so focused on finding our prototype that we miss other opportunities. When we don’t find that guy we write all men off as jerks.
“Not all men suck,” Findling says. “There are plenty of good men out there available, but women don’t want them!” Save yourself time and heartache: Forget the fairytale and realize that no real man will prove a perfect match with your wish list.
Good chemistry or physical attraction often tops our romance requirements, but it shouldn’t make or break a relationship, according to Findling. Don’t dismiss a guy who isn’t exactly your “type.” Attraction grows when people connect over time, so keep an open mind. Your type may change when you meet the right guy.
“If you really want to get married, you’ll have to compromise,” Findling says. But that doesn’t mean sacrificing quality. “Character, reliability and ability to sustain a relationship” are the most important things to look for in a man, she says.
Women who get married are Confident, Findling says. They know they deserve a lifetime commitment from a man. Do you exude this attitude? You should.
The next time you’re tempted to label him a loser, ask yourself if you’ve gone too far too soon or been too inflexible. Self-awareness is the first step in the search for a successful relationship.
Are You a Dating Do or Don’t?
Some guys don’t pay on the first date while others forget to open doors. When it comes to dating, times sure have changed, and with that, a new crop of dating dilemmas has emerged. But no matter what year it is, some dating rules should stand the test of time. Which ones are you forgetting? See how you measure up on the dateable scale with this dating quiz.
--- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- . --- .
It’s Not Him. It’s You!
Surprising Reasons You’re Unlucky in Love
By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer
Tuesday, January 9, 2007更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net