本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛It's a long one, but worth it.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take
my advice and take it out on a total stranger!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,
saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right ****ing
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
that anyone could BE so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct
number to call her, I realized that I had accidentally transposed the
last two digits.
After hanging up with Robyn, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote! his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put
it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
asshole!" It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID was introduced, I was afraid my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to come to an end. So, I called his
number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Bell South. I'm calling
to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"
Soon after, I was at the store one day, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot, when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled
that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I
noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so of course, I wrote
down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first! asshole (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW
asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I
asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a Bad Day, I had two assholes I could call. Then I
came up with an idea. First, I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Oh, yeah â?| I'm really scared, Asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hello, Asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll do what?" I asked.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, Asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now!"
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd., Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the
gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd., Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there
just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news
crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take
my advice and take it out on a total stranger!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,
saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right ****ing
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
that anyone could BE so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct
number to call her, I realized that I had accidentally transposed the
last two digits.
After hanging up with Robyn, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote! his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put
it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
asshole!" It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID was introduced, I was afraid my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to come to an end. So, I called his
number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Bell South. I'm calling
to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"
Soon after, I was at the store one day, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot, when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled
that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I
noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so of course, I wrote
down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first! asshole (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW
asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I
asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a Bad Day, I had two assholes I could call. Then I
came up with an idea. First, I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Oh, yeah â?| I'm really scared, Asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hello, Asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll do what?" I asked.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, Asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now!"
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd., Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the
gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd., Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there
just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news
crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net