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再過十天就是家人們去Lynn Valley追思會和撒骨灰的議程,悲傷不已哭泣不停的我花了四五個晚上寫寫改改,寫下了我準備說的話,昨夜放下筆時,終於與自己的悲哀做了和解,也與糾結和内疚做了了斷。主要是,累的哭不動了,一下子放鬆了。

Alfred, You are deeply missed

Alfred, my beloved husband left me on 28th June. I was in deep sorrow and could not stop cring.

Thank you Wil for arranging the celebration of Life, and giving each one as much time as we would talk about Alfred. I spent several evenings on this writing. Now I was able to reconcile with my deep grief to Alfred.

In recent 5 years, we had hard time in our marriage. His weight getting less, temper getting worse, mood getting down and our arguments getting more. He did not response my talk and prefered lying on the big chair most of time. Our Family Doctor refered him for a Alzheimer test in Vancouver Dimond. I accompanied him to a hearing test. Each report came out in good results. I used to call him Big Baby as he always need my care physically and emotionly. But since the testing results were good. I was running out pateince with a angry big baby. So I spent more time alone by myself, I went out enjoy the nature and my grandkids. Now I have reliazed his lazy was caused by his sicknes. But none of us knew it. If I knew...this made me so guilty after he was dignozed as sever cancer. Actually, In his last three months of life, he showed many caring to me. We were back to the time we were in deep love. We were able to communicate calmly and equally. We made travle plans for his dicharge, we made dicision for funeral arrangement, mostly we would recall the good time we once had.

Yes, we did had lots of fun for many years. We knew each other as friends in late 2003, and married in BC in December 2004, up to now almost 19 years.

Alfred's friends said that Alfred was lucky to find me. But my friends also said I was luck to have him.

Because of him, I started to live in Vancouver, the most beautiful city in the world. And Alfred knows I love Canada and maybe I love Canada more that he does.

Alfred was sympathetic person. At first I did not understand why he donated to various Charity organizations. Whenever I picked up the Charity letters from mailbox and handed them to him, I would made a joke: Please oh please donate on me, I am so poor. He would gave me all of his coins in his pockets and wallet. I would show my happy surprise: Oh, Golden coins! I am rich now. He then laught a lot. This was the joke we had all through our 19 years.

Alfred was a reponsible man, he suported our living and travling. He also made me rich in my hobbies.

My only hobby before immigrant was to work. As a single mother I was addicted to work and afraid of weekend and holidays. Then Alfred appeared , he changed my unhealthy style of life after we lived together.

Alfred let me know classical music and what Bel Canto is. I had Kara OK equipment in my Shanghai home, the songs I knew most were Chinese revolution songs. I sang with Kara OK proudly to Alfred one day. To my surprise, he did not applaud. He said to me: singing should be like this way.(How?) O Solo mio~ .Later, I knew it was only piece he could sing. But that kind of vocalization was nicer,I admitted. That year, I joined Bonsa Singalong Class.

We often went to symphony at Orpheum theater performed by Vancouver Academic Music Orchestra. Alfred liked donate to others, and he liked more to economize to himself. He always bought seniors tickets with very good price ( 15 years ago, it was 5 dollars for a senior, 10 dollars for an adult. Now it is 11 dollars for senior & children). After a few years, I was able to enjoy Symphony together with him, and now. And I now can say I love classical music.

Alfred changed my dancing preference from Ballroom dancing to Hawaii Dancing. After we married, he said to me seriously: I knew you went to ballroom dancing in Shanghai. But now you have me as your husband. Your hands should not be touched by any other men! One day I sneaked out to Bonsa ballroom dance with my Taiwanese friend Lisa. I was very popular that afternoon. I could not hide my exciting and smiling when back home. Alfred asked me what happened to you? I said: Oh, I was so popular in the dancing! He said nothing. The next week, Alfred drove me to Renfrew Community Center and paid Seniors Hawaiian Dance Class registration fee for me. He said that senior Hawaiian dancing style was elegant and gentle, good to your health. Now I really love hula dancing.

Alfred taught me how to enjoy paintings. He even made me to paint. I remember we once visited a Russian Painting Exhibition in Shanghai which was my 1st time to the art show. Alfred spent long time to look at one painting, and then another. I got bored immediately, I said to him: OK you enjoy these paintings, I will sit at the exit waiting for you. Later both of us often laugh loudly at that conversation.

When I studied in Vancouver Adult high school, I chose Fine Art class because I hoped to know something that my husband did. Vancouver School Board organized a study trip to Paris, and the spouse could join the trip . It was in 2008, we went to French class in the Vancouver west for the Paris trip. I gave up french quickly, but Alfred finished French lessons.

In Paris we visited various exhibitions & galleries. We did many sketching. Alfred's drawings were always spoken highly by local people and our teacher. It was such beautiful time!

When we back to Vancouver, Fine art teacher invited Alfred to our class for free. There were three classes per week, sketching in the parks, painting in the school,visiting art galleries along Granville Street. I always walked beside of Alfred, he would tell me his feeling to each painting, and would tell me how he understood artiest, how to appreciate the paintings.

After my high School graduation, we joined Killarney Art Club. Every Friday, we went there to draw, to paint, and to chat with people. I was worried that my paintings had no shadows. Alfred said: it is OK, as your heart has no shadow. Now I gave up painting, only do the coloring, but I have a membership card in Art Gallery Vancouver, as I now can enjoy the art in a relax way.

Alfred once was my Math teacher when I took Math 11 at Adult School, I could not understand why A squared plus B squared equals C squared. He spent at least an hour and several papers to convince me that A squared plus B squared is C squared. the next year I got A for my math12.

There were many many good times we had. We traveled a lot. It would take long time to go though all the travels we had around 20 countries in the world.

However, our religions were different. When Alfred made proposal to me, I said No to him because I was a christian . Then He said: You could change me to Christian someday, God would be happy with that. I thought for a while, then I said yes to his proposal.

After we married, Alfred drove me to different churches and sat with me for worship, he wished I could find a church suitable for me. I went to Presbyterian Church 45th E ave. for many years, Alfred drove me to and picked me up from Church almost every Sunday, as well as Wednesday Ladies Bible Study. He accompanied me to Orpheum Theater for Handle's Messiah together with our Church people. In fact my Church people especially seniors all knew him and liked him. They said to me: your husband Alfred is a very nice man, lets keep praying for him.

I don't know what happened in Alfred last two months when he was in the bed. But I know only almighty God can change him. I felt so happy that Alfred became a Christian two days before he passed away. So we will meet again in God's room. It gave me great comfort that Christ Church Cathedral Vancouver baptized Alfred on 9th July.

By the time we meet again, I am sure both of us will be better persons, we will know how to love each other. As we are all Christians and we have God's blessings.

I will read “Love” in Bible (Whenever I quarreled with him in jealous. He would recite it): Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Let's pray: Our Heavenly Father, I am so thankful that my beloved husband Alfred is with you. He is absent from the body, present with the Lord. He is walking the streets of heaven in perfect peace. Deer God, Please comfort my heart as I am still in deep sorrow over my loss of his presence. In Jesus name, I pray.


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  • 枫下家园 / 金秋年华 / 再過十天就是家人們去Lynn Valley追思會和撒骨灰的議程,悲傷不已哭泣不停的我花了四五個晚上寫寫改改,寫下了我準備說的話,昨夜放下筆時,終於與自己的悲哀做了和解,也與糾結和内疚做了了斷。主要是,累的哭不動了,一下子放鬆了。 +22

    Alfred, You are deeply missed

    Alfred, my beloved husband left me on 28th June. I was in deep sorrow and could not stop cring.

    Thank you Wil for arranging the celebration of Life, and giving each one as much time as we would talk about Alfred. I spent several evenings on this writing. Now I was able to reconcile with my deep grief to Alfred.

    In recent 5 years, we had hard time in our marriage. His weight getting less, temper getting worse, mood getting down and our arguments getting more. He did not response my talk and prefered lying on the big chair most of time. Our Family Doctor refered him for a Alzheimer test in Vancouver Dimond. I accompanied him to a hearing test. Each report came out in good results. I used to call him Big Baby as he always need my care physically and emotionly. But since the testing results were good. I was running out pateince with a angry big baby. So I spent more time alone by myself, I went out enjoy the nature and my grandkids. Now I have reliazed his lazy was caused by his sicknes. But none of us knew it. If I knew...this made me so guilty after he was dignozed as sever cancer. Actually, In his last three months of life, he showed many caring to me. We were back to the time we were in deep love. We were able to communicate calmly and equally. We made travle plans for his dicharge, we made dicision for funeral arrangement, mostly we would recall the good time we once had.

    Yes, we did had lots of fun for many years. We knew each other as friends in late 2003, and married in BC in December 2004, up to now almost 19 years.

    Alfred's friends said that Alfred was lucky to find me. But my friends also said I was luck to have him.

    Because of him, I started to live in Vancouver, the most beautiful city in the world. And Alfred knows I love Canada and maybe I love Canada more that he does.

    Alfred was sympathetic person. At first I did not understand why he donated to various Charity organizations. Whenever I picked up the Charity letters from mailbox and handed them to him, I would made a joke: Please oh please donate on me, I am so poor. He would gave me all of his coins in his pockets and wallet. I would show my happy surprise: Oh, Golden coins! I am rich now. He then laught a lot. This was the joke we had all through our 19 years.

    Alfred was a reponsible man, he suported our living and travling. He also made me rich in my hobbies.

    My only hobby before immigrant was to work. As a single mother I was addicted to work and afraid of weekend and holidays. Then Alfred appeared , he changed my unhealthy style of life after we lived together.

    Alfred let me know classical music and what Bel Canto is. I had Kara OK equipment in my Shanghai home, the songs I knew most were Chinese revolution songs. I sang with Kara OK proudly to Alfred one day. To my surprise, he did not applaud. He said to me: singing should be like this way.(How?) O Solo mio~ .Later, I knew it was only piece he could sing. But that kind of vocalization was nicer,I admitted. That year, I joined Bonsa Singalong Class.

    We often went to symphony at Orpheum theater performed by Vancouver Academic Music Orchestra. Alfred liked donate to others, and he liked more to economize to himself. He always bought seniors tickets with very good price ( 15 years ago, it was 5 dollars for a senior, 10 dollars for an adult. Now it is 11 dollars for senior & children). After a few years, I was able to enjoy Symphony together with him, and now. And I now can say I love classical music.

    Alfred changed my dancing preference from Ballroom dancing to Hawaii Dancing. After we married, he said to me seriously: I knew you went to ballroom dancing in Shanghai. But now you have me as your husband. Your hands should not be touched by any other men! One day I sneaked out to Bonsa ballroom dance with my Taiwanese friend Lisa. I was very popular that afternoon. I could not hide my exciting and smiling when back home. Alfred asked me what happened to you? I said: Oh, I was so popular in the dancing! He said nothing. The next week, Alfred drove me to Renfrew Community Center and paid Seniors Hawaiian Dance Class registration fee for me. He said that senior Hawaiian dancing style was elegant and gentle, good to your health. Now I really love hula dancing.

    Alfred taught me how to enjoy paintings. He even made me to paint. I remember we once visited a Russian Painting Exhibition in Shanghai which was my 1st time to the art show. Alfred spent long time to look at one painting, and then another. I got bored immediately, I said to him: OK you enjoy these paintings, I will sit at the exit waiting for you. Later both of us often laugh loudly at that conversation.

    When I studied in Vancouver Adult high school, I chose Fine Art class because I hoped to know something that my husband did. Vancouver School Board organized a study trip to Paris, and the spouse could join the trip . It was in 2008, we went to French class in the Vancouver west for the Paris trip. I gave up french quickly, but Alfred finished French lessons.

    In Paris we visited various exhibitions & galleries. We did many sketching. Alfred's drawings were always spoken highly by local people and our teacher. It was such beautiful time!

    When we back to Vancouver, Fine art teacher invited Alfred to our class for free. There were three classes per week, sketching in the parks, painting in the school,visiting art galleries along Granville Street. I always walked beside of Alfred, he would tell me his feeling to each painting, and would tell me how he understood artiest, how to appreciate the paintings.

    After my high School graduation, we joined Killarney Art Club. Every Friday, we went there to draw, to paint, and to chat with people. I was worried that my paintings had no shadows. Alfred said: it is OK, as your heart has no shadow. Now I gave up painting, only do the coloring, but I have a membership card in Art Gallery Vancouver, as I now can enjoy the art in a relax way.

    Alfred once was my Math teacher when I took Math 11 at Adult School, I could not understand why A squared plus B squared equals C squared. He spent at least an hour and several papers to convince me that A squared plus B squared is C squared. the next year I got A for my math12.

    There were many many good times we had. We traveled a lot. It would take long time to go though all the travels we had around 20 countries in the world.

    However, our religions were different. When Alfred made proposal to me, I said No to him because I was a christian . Then He said: You could change me to Christian someday, God would be happy with that. I thought for a while, then I said yes to his proposal.

    After we married, Alfred drove me to different churches and sat with me for worship, he wished I could find a church suitable for me. I went to Presbyterian Church 45th E ave. for many years, Alfred drove me to and picked me up from Church almost every Sunday, as well as Wednesday Ladies Bible Study. He accompanied me to Orpheum Theater for Handle's Messiah together with our Church people. In fact my Church people especially seniors all knew him and liked him. They said to me: your husband Alfred is a very nice man, lets keep praying for him.

    I don't know what happened in Alfred last two months when he was in the bed. But I know only almighty God can change him. I felt so happy that Alfred became a Christian two days before he passed away. So we will meet again in God's room. It gave me great comfort that Christ Church Cathedral Vancouver baptized Alfred on 9th July.

    By the time we meet again, I am sure both of us will be better persons, we will know how to love each other. As we are all Christians and we have God's blessings.

    I will read “Love” in Bible (Whenever I quarreled with him in jealous. He would recite it): Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

    Let's pray: Our Heavenly Father, I am so thankful that my beloved husband Alfred is with you. He is absent from the body, present with the Lord. He is walking the streets of heaven in perfect peace. Deer God, Please comfort my heart as I am still in deep sorrow over my loss of his presence. In Jesus name, I pray.


    • Amen. 🙏19年的相守相伴,美好的回忆。 +3
    • 中文翻譯 +7

      回憶,思念與和解

      2023 7 23 日星期日下午 2:30 林恩峽谷源頭

      我的丈夫Alfred6 28 日去世了我陷入深深的悲傷之中,很多天無法停止哭泣。

      感謝繼子Wil安排了慶祝生命的儀式,並讓每個人有足夠的時間來回憶Alfred 我花了3個下午和3個晚上寫這篇文字。 現在我終於能夠與自己的悲傷和解,與我們的感情和解。

      近五年來,我們的婚姻經歷了困難時期。 他的體重越來越輕,脾氣越來越壞,情緒越來越低落,我們的爭吵也越來越多。 他不回應我的談話,大部分時間躺在大躺椅上。 家庭醫生把他轉“老年癡呆症測試”,我陪他到聽力中心進行聽力測試。報告結果都是可以的,每年體檢驗血也沒大問題。 我一直叫他大寶貝,因為他總是需要我的照顧。 但由於測試結果良好,我對壞脾氣的大嬰兒失去了耐心。 我更多的時間獨處,享受大自然,與朋友教友孫輩外出游玩。 現在我才知道他的壞脾氣和懶惰是因為他的病造成的。 但我們誰都不知道。 這讓我在他被診斷出患有嚴重癌症後感到非常內疚。 事實上,在他生命的最後三個月裡,他對我表現出了很多關心。 我們又回到了深愛的時光。 我們能夠平靜、平等地聊天,在他還能説話的時候,我們憧憬出院后的生活方式,討論了後事的安排, 也回憶過去。

      我們確實度過了很多美好時光。 我們於2003年底以朋友身份相識,並於200412月在BC省結婚,至今已近19年。 Alfred的朋友說我老公能找到我很幸運。 但我的朋友也說我很幸運能擁有他。 因為他,我開始生活在世界上最美麗的城市溫哥華。 Alfred知道我熱愛加拿大,也許我比他更愛加拿大。

      婚後我Alfred熱衷的事情之一是捐助。 起初我不明白他為什麼要向各種慈善組織捐款。 每當我拿起捐款信件遞給他時,我都會開玩笑說:請為我捐款吧,我太窮啦。 他會搜遍口袋和錢包,把所有硬幣都給我。 我會表現出很大的驚喜:哇,金幣也! 我發財啦。 引得他哈哈大笑他。同樣的對話持續了十幾年。

      Alfred是很有擔當的,承擔了生活所有開支,也豐富了我晚年的興趣愛好。 與他結婚前,我唯一的愛好就是工作。 作為一名單身母親,我沉迷於工作,害怕週末和假期。 然後Alfred出現了,我們開始共同生活后,他改變了我不健康的生活方式。

      他讓我了解了古典音樂和美聲唱法。 我上海家裡有卡拉OK設備,我最熟悉的歌曲是中國革命歌曲。 有一天,我自豪地為他唱卡拉OK 令我驚訝的是,他沒有鼓掌。 他對我說:聽著,唱歌就應該這樣! (怎樣呀?)O Solo Mio(後來我知道這是他唯一會唱的一句)。 但我承認,那種發聲方法真的好聽。 第二年,我加入了 Bonsa Singalong 班。

      我們經常去奧芬大劇院聆聽溫哥華學術管弦樂團演奏的交響樂。 喜歡捐款的Alfred對自己對家人很節省,注重折扣。 15年前,VAM的老人票5美元,成人10美元,現在老人和兒童11美元。 幾年後,我能夠和他一起欣賞交響樂了,現在我可以說我喜歡古典音樂。

      Alfred將我的舞蹈偏好從交際舞改為夏威夷舞。 結婚後,他認真地對我說:我知道你在上海跳交誼舞。 但現在你有了丈夫,你的手不允許被任何其他男人碰的! 有一天,我和我的台灣朋友麗莎偷偷去參加 Bonsa 社區舞會, 那天下午我很受歡迎。 回到家我難掩興奮和微笑。 Alfred問我:你怎麼啦? 我說:哦,我跳舞真是太受歡迎了呀! 他什麼也沒說。 下一周,Alfred駕車送我去Renfrew社區中心,為我注冊了老年人夏威夷舞蹈班, 他說,夏威夷舞蹈風格優雅、動作溫和,有益身體健康。 直到現在我還在參加夏威夷舞蹈班,我真的很喜歡草裙舞。

      另外,是Alfred教會我如何欣賞繪畫。 他甚至讓我畫畫。 我記得我們曾經在上海參觀過一次俄羅斯繪畫展,這是我第一次參加藝術展。花了很長時間看一幅畫,然後又看另一幅畫。 我立刻就無聊了,對他說:好吧,你喜歡這些畫,我去坐在出口処等你。 後來我們倆常常因為那次談話而哈哈大笑。

      當我在溫哥華成人高中學習時,我選擇了美術課,因為我希望了解一些我丈夫喜歡的藝術。 溫哥華教育局組織去巴黎遊學,配偶可以參加。 那是2008年,為了這次巴黎之行,學校還組織了法語課學習,我們一起坐Translink到溫哥華西區上法語課。法語很難, 我很快就放棄了法語,但Alfred完成了法語課程。 、

      在巴黎,我們參觀了各種各種博物館和藝術館,然後在街上或者公園裏寫生。Alfred的畫一直受到當地人和我們老師的高度評價。 那真是一段美好的時光!

      當我們回到溫哥華時,美術老師邀請Alfred來我們藝術班上課,免費。 每週三節課:公園寫生,學校畫畫,參觀Granville街的畫廊。 我總是跟著他旁邊,他會告訴我對每一幅畫的感受,會告訴我他怎樣理解畫家的創作Idea,教我如何欣賞畫作。

      高中畢業後,我們加入了Killarney社區藝術俱樂部。 每個】週五我們都去那裡畫畫和人聊天。 我擔心我的畫沒有陰影。 Alfred說:沒關係,因為你的心裡沒有陰影。 雖然最後我放棄了畫畫,只是塗色賀卡,但我有溫哥華美術館的會員卡,因爲我初略懂得欣賞畫作了。

      Alfred也曾是我的數學老師,我在成人學校學習數學11年級時,無法理解為什麼A平方加B平方等於C平方。 他花了一個小時和幾張論證紙來讓我相信 A 平方加 B 平方等於 C 平方。 第二年我12 年級的數學得了 A

      我們有過的美好時光太多了。 我們每年出國旅行,要把我們在世界上15個國家的所有旅行都講完需要很長時間,這裏就掠過了。

      然而,我們的宗教信仰不同。 Alfred向我求婚時,我拒絕了他,因為我是基督徒。 然後他說:有一天你可以讓我成為基督徒,上帝會很高興的。 我想了想,就答應了他的求婚。 我們結婚後,Alfred駕車帶我去了不同的教堂,陪我一起做禮拜,他希望我能找到一個適合我的教堂。 我去了東大街 45 號長老會教堂。 Covid之前,他幾乎每週日都開車接送,還有週三女士聖經學習班的接送。 他和我們的教友們一起去奧芬大劇院觀看漢德爾的《彌賽亞》。 事實上,我的教友們尤其是老人都認識他並且喜歡他。 他們對我說:你的丈夫是一個非常好的人,讓我們繼續為他祈禱。

      我不知道Alfred最後這兩個月在病床上是怎麽想的,發生了什麼但我知道只有全能的神才能改變他。 Alfred在去世前兩天決定成為基督徒,我感到非常高興。 我們將會再次相見了。 他去世後,我現在去的溫哥華基督教會大教堂於 7 9 日為Alfred施洗,教友們爲他和爲我禱告,給了我莫大的安慰。 當我們再次見面時,我相信我們都會成為更好的人,我們會懂得如何彼此相愛。 因為我們都是基督徒,我們有神的祝福。 《聖經》中對“愛”是這麽說的(每當我因嫉妒而與他爭吵時Alfred會背誦):

      愛是恆久忍耐,又有恩慈。 它是不嫉妒,愛是不自誇,不張狂,不做害羞的事,不求自己的益處,不輕易發怒,不計算人的惡。 不喜歡不義,只喜歡真理。 凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐。 愛是永不止息。

      讓我們祈禱:我們的天父,我非常感謝我心愛的丈夫Alfred德與您在一起。 他不在肉身之中,他與主同在。 他正平靜地走在天堂的街道上。 萬能上帝呀,請安慰我的心,因為我仍然為失去他的存在而深感悲傷。 奉耶穌的名,我祈禱。

      • 很感人 +3
      • 能写那么长的文字,足见你们之间的感情。愿爱抚慰你沉重的心灵。 +1

        你的中文写的很好,应该从中文翻译成英文才是。这样只懂英文的朋友听起来会容易些。下面是Chat GPT帮你做的翻译,供你参考:

        My Husband Alfred's Story

        My husband Alfred passed away on June 28th, and I have been deeply saddened, unable to stop crying for many days.

        I am grateful to my stepson Wil for arranging a celebration of life ceremony and allowing everyone enough time to remember Alfred. It took me three afternoons and three evenings to write this piece. Now, I finally find solace with my grief and our connection.

        Over the past five years, our marriage went through difficult times. His weight kept decreasing, his temper worsened, and he became increasingly moody. We had more and more arguments. He didn't respond to my conversations and spent most of his time lying on the recliner. The family doctor referred him for "senior dementia testing," and I accompanied him for a hearing test at a hearing center. However, the reports showed everything was fine, and there were no major issues in his annual check-ups. I used to call him "big baby" because he always needed my care. But with the good test results, I lost patience with his bad temper. I spent more time alone, enjoying nature, going out with friends, and spending time with grandchildren. Now I know his bad temper and laziness were caused by his illness, but none of us knew. This made me feel extremely guilty after he was diagnosed with severe cancer. In fact, during the last three months of his life, he showed a lot of care towards me. We returned to the deep love we shared. We were able to have calm, equal conversations, envisioning life after his discharge while he was still able to speak. We discussed arrangements for the future and reminisced about the past.

        We have indeed had many wonderful moments. We met as friends in late 2003 and got married in December 2004 in British Columbia. It has been nearly 19 years since then. Alfred's friends say I was lucky to have found him, but my friends also say I was lucky to have him. Because of him, I started living in the most beautiful city in the world, Vancouver. Alfred knew my love for Canada, perhaps even more than him.

        One of Alfred's passions after we got married was philanthropy. At first, I didn't understand why he wanted to donate to various charitable organizations. Whenever I handed him donation letters, I would jokingly say, "Please donate for me, I'm too poor." He would search his pockets and wallet and give me all the coins. I would express great surprise, saying, "Wow, even gold coins! I'm getting rich!" and that would make him laugh. The same conversation continued for over a decade.

        Alfred was responsible for all our living expenses and enriched my interests in my later years. Before him, my only hobby was work. As a single mother, I was consumed by work and dreaded weekends and holidays. Then Alfred appeared, and after we started living together, he changed my unhealthy lifestyle.

        He introduced me to classical music and bel canto singing. I had a karaoke system at home in Shanghai, and the songs I was most familiar with were revolutionary songs from China. One day, I proudly sang karaoke for him. Surprisingly, he didn't applaud. He said to me, "Listen, singing should be like this!" (How?) "O Sole Mio" (later I found out that was the only line he knew). But I admit, that singing technique sounded really good. The following year, I joined the Bonsa Singalong class.

        We often went to the Orpheum Theatre to listen to the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra play symphonies. Charitable Alfred, while being frugal for himself and our family, cared about discounts. Fifteen years ago, senior tickets at VAM cost $5, and adult tickets were $10. Now, seniors and children pay $11. After a few years, I was able to appreciate the symphonies together with him, and now I can say I enjoy classical music.

        Alfred changed my dance preference from ballroom to hula. After we got married, he earnestly said to me, "I know you used to dance ballroom in Shanghai. But now that you have a husband, your hands should not be touched by any other man!" One day, my Taiwanese friend Lisa and I secretly attended a Bonsa community dance party, and I received a lot of attention that afternoon. When I returned home, I couldn't hide my excitement and smile. Alfred asked me, "What happened to you?" I said, "Oh, I was so popular at the dance!" He didn't say anything. The next week, Alfred drove me to the Renfrew Community Center and registered me for the senior hula dance class. He said hula was elegant, with gentle movements, and good for physical health. I am still attending hula dance classes until now, and I really enjoy the hula dance.

        Furthermore, it was Alfred who taught me how to appreciate and even paint. He even encouraged me to paint. I remember we visited a Russian painting exhibition in Shanghai, which was my first time attending an art exhibition. He spent a long time looking at one painting, then another. I immediately got bored and said to him, "Okay, you enjoy these paintings, I'll sit by the exit and wait for you." Later, we often laughed out loud about that conversation.

        When I studied at Vancouver Adult Education, I chose art classes because I wanted to understand the art that Alfred liked. The Vancouver School Board organized a study tour to Paris, and spouses could join. That was in 2008, and for this trip to Paris, the school also organized French language classes. We took TransLink together to attend French classes in Vancouver's West End. French was difficult, and I quickly gave up, but Alfred completed the French course.

        In Paris, we visited various museums and art galleries, and we even did some sketching on the streets or in parks. Alfred's paintings received high praise from the locals and our teachers. It was truly a wonderful time!

        When we returned to Vancouver, the art teacher invited Alfred to join our art class for free. We had three classes each week: sketching in the park, painting at school, and visiting art galleries on Granville Street. I always stayed by his side, and he would tell me his feelings about each painting, explain how he understood the artist's creative ideas, and teach me how to appreciate artwork.

        After I graduated from high school, we joined the Killarney Community Art Club. We would go there every Friday to paint and chat with people. I was worried that my paintings didn't have shadows. Alfred said, "It's okay because your heart doesn't have shadows." Although I eventually gave up painting and only colored greeting cards, I have a membership card for the Vancouver Art Gallery because I have learned to appreciate artworks to some extent.

        Alfred was also my math teacher. When I was studying Grade 11 math at adult school, I couldn't understand why A squared plus B squared equals C squared. He spent an hour and several sheets of proof paper to make me believe that A squared plus B squared equals C squared. The next year, I got an A in Grade 12 math.

        We have had so many wonderful moments. We traveled abroad every year, and it would take a long time to talk about all our trips to 15 countries around the world, but I'll skip that for now.

        However, our religious beliefs were different. When Alfred proposed to me, I initially turned him down because I am a Christian. Then he said, "One day you can make me a Christian, and God will be pleased." I thought about it and agreed to his proposal. After we got married, Alfred drove me to different churches, accompanied me to worship, and hoped that I would find a church that suited me. I went to the Presbyterian Church at 45 East Broadway. Before COVID, he would drive us almost every Sunday, and he would also drive me for the Wednesday ladies' Bible study. Together with our church friends, we went to the Orpheum Theatre to watch Handel's "Messiah." In fact, my church friends, especially the elderly, knew him and liked him. They told me, "Your husband is a very good person, let us continue praying for him."

        I don't know what Alfred thought during his last two months in bed, what happened, but I know that only the Almighty God can change him. Two days before his passing, Alfred decided to become a Christian, and I am very happy about that. We will meet again. After his passing, Alfred was baptized at Vancouver Christian Church on July 9th. The church members prayed for him and for me, providing me with immense comfort.When we meet again, I believe we will both become better people, and we will learn how to love each other. Because we are both Christians, we have God's blessings. The Bible describes "love" like this (whenever I argued with him due to jealousy, Alfred would recite it):

        Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

        Let us pray: Our Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for my beloved husband Alfred being with you. He is not in the flesh; he is with the Lord. He walks peacefully on the streets of heaven. Almighty God, please comfort my heart as I still feel deeply saddened by his absence. In Jesus' name, I pray.

        • 太感謝了,馬上拷貝下來 +1
          我會修改一下,到那天就用這個稿子
      • 如果可以,我希望你能再写一份,你家先生是丈夫,父亲,祖父。他对这个大家庭的爱让他不忍来生分离,只有爱才能让他舍弃自己多年信仰,一直微笑面对死亡和诀别。 +1
        夫妻相处哪能不吵架生气?不要太多渲染。多多介绍你先生的才华,爱心,慷慨,以及他面对疾病,生死的态度。只是我的建议,一切都愿你平安。
        • 謝謝

          我不是渲染,是真的内疚。因爲我不喜歡做菜,最後幾年為避免爭吵,喜歡獨處。

          改變信仰確實如你所説,是捨不下的愛。

          其實這篇我也是簡化了,因爲自己讀一遍發現要15分鐘。最後三個月真心難忘,他非常的紳士,很多感人的細節,因爲追思會我想對他兒女和我兒子家説一些他們不知道的事情,所以對最後三個月沒有寫。

          你的建議很好,我會再寫一篇給網友們看。

    • 写得真感人,一段美好的回忆。 +3
    • 節哀順變。 +1
    • 所有的失去,唯有神能安慰。 +2
    • 卉樱果大姐请节哀顺变🙏 +1
    • 生生世世皆因果,有情有缘必重逢 +2
    • 求主记念Alfred +1
    • 又恋爱一场!完全改变了自己的过去。很难得。据说信主后,看待生死就会开朗的多。 +1
    • 非常感动。 +1
    • “Grief is just love with no place to go”. 好好保重🙏 +1